Yes, it came as a surprise to me, too.
On Wednesday I have three hours of spare time between two classes, so we usually hang out at a café and talk about profound things like serial killers, dudes who go to prostitutes, the entertainment value of forensic medicine and other fun topics you just happen to talk about when you need to kill time. And then this happened: this guy looks at me and explains to me that he couldn't possibly say if I was twenty or forty years old because of my Asian background.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Because ...
a) I don't look like I'm forty years old (and you just made me twice my age),
b) I hadn't said a word about any Asian background,
c) seriously, I don't look like I'm forty years old. Also, that comment was fucking racist and it pisses me off.
See, I'm not easy to piss off. Actually it's really hard to piss me off; I'm kind of the queen of Conflict-Avoidistan, and people including me are always very surprised when some moron manages to infuriate me to the point where I openly show my anger. Swantje, for instance, is still completely amazed and thrilled by the day where I verbally hung, drew and quartered the other intern for suggesting that, and I quote, "the slitty-eyes all look alike". And boy, did I ever hang, draw and quarter that unfortunate girl.
I also made her an Idiot Diagram:
Obviously, all people in Europe are perfectly distinguishable, while Asians look like twins. All four billions of them!
Now that we've settled that - what really amazes me about these incidents is that the moment you point out to people that what they've just said was maybe a bit stupid and also racist, they get all defensive. No way they're racist! It was just a joke! (Intern Girl) I completely misunderstood! And did I really take that amiss? (Apparently Blind Guy) (Answer: YES I DID DOUCHEBAG AND ALSO I DO NOT LOOK LIKE FORTY YEARS.) How could I! I am being oversensitive, really! If they say they're not racist, they are not racist, even though what they say is, actually, racist! I mean, clearly. Let's face the sad truth: they're just deeply and tragically misunderstood souls. Let us take a minute and shed a tear!
Okay, I'm equally distressed by their fate, you guys, but let's be serious for a while. This kind of behaviour is casual racism - you don't necessarily mean to be racist, but since you come from a place of privilege (in this case, the same skin colour as the majority of people around you), you don't notice when you are. It simply doesn't occur to you! Nobody has ever spoken really, reeeeally slow to you (because you couldn't possibly understand them otherwise) or laughed at the form of your eyes or, you know, reduced you to a mass of people who didn't have the decency to make themselves distinguishable faces like WE have!
There's another reason why comments like that make me furious: they give me a brand. The Asian. The girl with the dark skin. The foreigner. The girl who will never be one of US. But you know what? I was born here. I've lived here my entire life. German is my native tongue, I wasn't taught another one. I am, by birth, a German citizen (§4 I StAG). And still conversations like the following one happen to me:
GIRL: So where are you from?
KONSTANZE: I'm from Neu-Ulm.
GIRL: But ... you're not from here, are you?
KONSTANZE: I am. I was born here.
GIRL: But you're not from here!
KONSTANZE: I'm a German citizen. I've never had any other citizenship.
GIRL: Okay. So where are you from, really?
See? I'm a German citizen, but Not Actually German. I can wear a dirndl and start yodelling and I'm still not going to be German. Because obviously, for being German I have to look German. And you know what that does? It takes away part of my identity. Because I don't have any other. The Philippines are breathtakingly beautiful, but they're not the country I grew up in: There, I'm looked at in the streets because of my light skin, my tongue can't really wrap itself around all the vowels Tagalog uses and the climate kills me. I'm not German enough for the Germans, I'm not Filipina enough for the Filipinos. I'm apparently neither, not really at least, firmly placed between two chairs. But you know what? This, here, is my home. This is my language. So, seriously, if you doubt that, I'm going to tell you to fuck off. Repeatedly, and rightfully so.
Also, in case I haven't mentioned it enough, I don't look like I'm forty years old.
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