So I did this internship. It was awesome in a "OMG OMG I touched a Barbarossa diploma now I can die happily!" way. (They also had Rommel's death mask, but I didn't want to touch it as much. Ew.) My sqealing over long dead emperors aside, one day the director had lunch with a couple of employees and I tagged along. At some point during the conversation I asked a question. It was a simple question. A question that could have been answered in one sentence! Instead I got a 45 minute speech about the efficiency of the 18th century Prussian army, which was certainly very educational, but, as you might have guessed, only vaguely related to my initial question.
This happens to me a lot! I'd always thought I just had a really good listening face, but during my recent dive into the feminist blogosphere I discovered there's actually a term for this: mansplaining. Mind you, I don't want to cast the shadow of a doubt on the director's qualification to explain the Prussian army; it's that he thought I needed this lengthy and uncalled-for explanation and the way he explained things ("... and in 1870/1871 was the Franco-Prussian War. It was the war between France and the German armies." "Yes, I know." "It was the last Unification War. There were three of them." "Yes, I know?" "Germany won." "I know?" "Now let me explain this to you ...") that makes this a prime example of mansplaining.
Yes: You're an alpha male twenty years into your working life and I don't even have a degree. You probably know a lot of things I don't and that's really good, because I can learn something from you. I like learning new things! That's why I'm here! So that's what I do: I smile and nod, I laugh at your jokes, I am generally thrilled by the prospect of all the knowledge you present to me, and I try really hard not to roll my eyes. Looking on the bright side, I've learned a lot about the Prussian army. Doesn't make any of this less condescending. Sadly, mansplaining isn't always annoying and educational; sometimes it's just annoying.
Same internship, other guy (I told you this happens a lot to me), a history student of the kind so brim-full with knowledge they couldn't fit in any social competence. I had been silently amused by his futile attempts to awe my boss by dumping as much historical information on her, the PhD historian with archival training, as he could without taking a breath. Then he walked me home one evening and he just kept explaining things - because, obviously, I needed explanations! Just because I repeatedly stated that I've actually read the Song of the Nibelungs doesn't mean I don't need to be explained the plot! Duh. --- DUDE. I know you want to impress me! Now how about impressing me by not treating me like a stupid person? We could have an actual conversation! You know, like: I say something, you respond to that, then I respond to your response and so on. It'd be almost like you respected me as an equal human being!
My point is: I don't get it. Or rather, I get it. It's an aggressive form of self-promotion, it's yelling "Here I am, notice me, I'm that awesome!" really, really loud. I don't mind getting things explained. Like I said, I like learning things and that's why I spend internships asking questions rather than basking in my own glory. But I think there's a fundamental difference between sharing knowledge and dumping information. The former is just fine; the latter shows that you take me as seriously as a conversational partner as you'd, say, take a chest of drawers. It's like if we were talking to each other and then you'd pause and say "Wait! I have the distinct feeling I should demonstrate my own awesomeness! Let me go on about a topic that has nothing to do with our conversation. You might already know about it or alternatively really don't give a damn at the moment (or both), but you haven't heard me talking about it yet! So let me elaborate while ignoring the fact that there are, usually, two partners to a conversation as well as your not-so-subtle hints of disinterest! Because I am talking now! This is about me and only me so just shut up and listen!".
Conversation: you're doing it wrong. By reducing your conversational partner to a mere witness of your own grandiosity you're displaying an equally grandiose lack of respect for them at the same time. You don't care what they say - you simply use their audience to exhibit your grotesquely inflated ego. That's just rude and ruthless. But you know what? Congratulations! You're going to get far in life. The Me And Just Me Show you put on is going to make your career. I don't really like talking to you, though. I sort of prefer talking to people who treat me as a person. I guess you'll get over it soon.
No comments:
Post a Comment